ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
