wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
