So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
