I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
