I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
