a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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