hotel room ftw
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
