If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I came so hard my ears popped.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
