He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
