If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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