need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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