I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
