I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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