apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
