i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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