I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
