just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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