she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
