i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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