Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
