Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
