I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
