don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
