I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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