Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
