you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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