every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
