I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
