We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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