Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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