Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
