Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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