It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
