I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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