the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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