just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
