Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think my vagina is haunted
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
