Apparently you make a good broom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
