dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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