so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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