According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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