Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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