I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
