Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
