doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
