The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
