I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
