is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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