Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
