not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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