I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
